"We feel we may be in need of legal assistance" - Part 6 in a series of "How we wooed Oprah"....well kind of.

Hang on in there, it is nearly all over. As we move towards the end of this literary quagmire we start to see the tables turn ever so slightly. Are the Au Pairs really asking for Camp Winfrey to fold and publicly acknowledge said Bunny? Surely they would not stoop to such depths as to seek endorsement of some kind from the Queen of TV herself? Has Nanny Pickle taught them nothing? It would appear that much has gone in one ear and out the other in this instance. O, hark, the sounds of desperation ensue.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

We feel, at this point, we may be needing the services of someone in the law fraternity. I believe you refer to them as “attorneys”. The familiar manner our endearing Bad Bunny is adopting with his correspondence with your good self is becoming rather worrisome. Please do understand he is in no way dangerous, or indeed stalker like. He is only two, and in his imaginative two year old mind, he does indeed have a true and meaningful friendship with you.

In no way can he understand that he is merely a bunny far from the ilk of your most celebrated self. Although we do try to teach him the value of modesty and humility, these words are not ones that fall easily from his tongue, nor sit easily on his shoulders. For in his fancy, he is of world renown – much loved, adored, adulated and worshiped.

Thus, his bold and impudent advances are merely as a result of his whimsy. If it should please you, we do believe we can put a halt to his postings if you did in some way acknowledge his past missives. If Bad Bunny were indeed able to boast to his Meadow Friends (who are not actually real) that he has had a direct correspondence from you, we may well be able to put to rest his incessant badgering of you. (Indeed, it would be of great solace to us all, as to not have to listen to his ramblings of all you have in common…).

Should you find it in your heart to calm the frayed nerves of two very strained Au Pairs, perhaps even a mention of him on your highly anticipated show when you are on our fair shores of Australia, or indeed a brief mention of him in your most celebrated of magazines – O Magazine. For Bad Bunny, the likes of such accession would without doubt, be as exciting as meeting Santa.

 

Yours in much modesty,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(More product sent....yadda, yadda, yadda. Met with the same enthusiasm as all previous gifts bestowed unto the Harpo Studios....stone cold silence she blows!)

 

High Tea with Oprah - Bad Bunny's pie in the sky hopes. Part 5 in a series

Oh, the to and fro. Oh, the literary tete a tete that ensues as Bad Bunny attempts to lure Camp Winfrey into his tree house for cake a a chat about his favourite subject. Is there a slight sense of desperation in his tone? Is Dr Phil more famous than Oprah? Should Bad Bunny be given more structure in his day to stop his mind and prolific typing paw getting The Nursery into so much trouble?

Dear Oprah,

(I feel like I know you well enough to be on a first term basis. Please feel free to call me Bad Bunny….Master sounds so formal)

I really am indeed so glad that we are friends. I mean whom else could I speak to about the trials and tribulations of fame? We have so much in common. Do we not?

Although Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine mean well I feel that they fail to understand exactly the amount of pressure we, meaning you and I, are under being in the public eye.

Only the other day Nanny Pickle told me I was getting too big for my boots. I explained that this was part and parcel of being famous and that Au Pair Shannon had already explained that reading all of my fan mail on Facebook was giving me a big head. So why not big feet? In my case, paws, but you get my meaning, right?

Anyway, I am presuming you have been too busy deciding what the wear to the High Tea Party to answer my questions on Facebook. I understand also if you want to keep our friendship private, as people do get jealous. Don’t worry too much about your attire for the event as being famous means that we look fabulous all the time.

Nanny Pickle told me I was a sight for sore eyes the other morning when I was wanting to find the hammer from my tool kit. I must have looked very good and it was only 4:30 in the morning! At least Nanny’s response was a bit easier to understand than Au Pair Shannon, who muttered something about rabbits feet and lucky charms.

Anyway I digress, dress as you wish and bring a friend….perhaps Gayle would like to join us for High Tea in my Tree House. I would have had High Tea on the roof but my Tree House is as far as I am allowed off the ground even though Au Pair Jennine told me I had my head in the clouds over breakfast yesterday. Sometimes I think The Nursery Staff need to watch more of your show.

Yours in all things truly famous and fabulous,

Bad Bunny

P.S: I have enclosed a wee bit of merchandise from my fan club. I thought you could show Dr Phil…I like him too. Is he more famous than you? Just wondering.

(At this stage of events Camp Winfrey sent via their counsel an invoice for the storage required for "gifting".)

 

"On bended knee we apologise, Oprah" - Part 4 in a series

As we work our way through the quagmire that is the Great Oprah Debacle we begin to observe an emerging pattern; a quid pro quo or a literary meeting of the minds, as the Au Pairs attempt to placate what they fear may well be the "quiet before the perfect storm". After all, Camp Winfrey had made no response to date. Were they gathering their army and planning their attack? Only time will tell.....

 

Dear Miss Winfrey,

 

Again we correspond with you on matters that fill us with deep shame and embarrassment.

Since our last missives it has come to our attention that our wee charge, Bad Bunny, has been relentless in his profferrings to the world of his believed audience with your good self upon your arrival to Australia.

To make matters infinitely worse, we find he has attempted direct correspondence, by way of mail, in a most forward and immodest manner.

You see, being of his age, his narcissistic streak, to put it mildly, is rather wide – more of a gaping cavern than a mere streak. In his fancy he does truly believe someone of your distinction and stature would indeed be honoured to have high tea with him, or for that matter, engage in the most base of board games – Twister.

For all the aforementioned, we can only offer our profuse apologies and endeavour, as best we mere Au Pairs can, to waylay his advances.

As a gesture of humility and respect we enclose a wee gift crafted from our and Nanny Pickle’s hands.

 

Yours in humility,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

PS: We are extremely mortified Bad Bunny made reference to your most intimate nickname for ones most private of worlds in his last communication to you. For it was to our best knowledge that Bad Bunny was having his Nursery nap when we viewed that particular episode of your eponymous show.

(We fear by now that the Harpo Production offices must be starting to get annoyed with the inundation of product being recieved from The Nursery of Nanny Pickle. Unfortunately for us all all the nonsense continues....Part 5 to be posted poste haste)

Bad Bunny's rite of reply: "We are so alike in our fame, Oprah" - Part 3 in a series

It would seem that at this stage the Au Pairs were naive to belive that their letter writting would stop Bad Bunny in his tracks. It would appear that it had quite the opposite effect. Seeing how thoroughly lovely Au Pair Shannon's hand writing was, Bad Bunny deicided to put paw to paper himself and send Oprah a wee bribe token of his appreciation of his own. And so begins a series of literary parrying and retreats that will obviously only end in tears and an increase in Australia Post's profits.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with great joy that I can inform you that, although I am only a 2 year old Bunny, I am completely literate in both the written word and computer type speaking.

I have just at this moment, accidentally, steamed open a letter from Au Pairs Shannon and Jennine, to your fair self.

All I can say is that they are ill-informed and their apologies unfounded and unnecessary.

Spending many long hours with the Au Pairs in The Nursery at lunch times I have had the great pleasure of watching your show. Apart from being occasionally confused about some things….I keep trying to smile into my verjayjay to make it happy. I only tend to wear berets…a verjayjay is some type of  Spanish headwear is it not?

Anyway, I digress; watching many hours of your delightful program has led me to believe that if you wish it you can make it happen.

I know that you have been dying to meet me. So if you wish hard enough we can make it happen….together. Like the friends we are.

I am, at this moment, putting the finishing touches to the high tea I am planning for your trip to Australia. I have some great prizes for pass the parcel. What about Twister? Would that be appropriate?

Let me know what your favourite things are and I will attempt to have some of them ready for your arrival. Or, if you trust me perhaps you would like to take home some of my favourite things…I’ll make you a list to see what you fancy.

Yours in great anticipation,

Bad Bunny

PS: Are you bringing Doctor Oz? Is he Australian or related to that famous Wizard? I’m just curious.

PPS: I enclose a token gift for your pleasure. As you can see, it bears my likeness proudly. For, just as are you, I am a very famous Bunny. (Not that you are a Bunny of course, but famous).

(Small token gift equated to many pieces of Nanny Pickle clothing featuring, naturally, Bad Bunny himself . He had of course signed everything in permanent marker....to add value. After all, Bad Bunny is so very famous and Oprah may hit the skids one day and need to sell a few things on ebay to keep food on the table for herself and Stedman.)

Apologies to Oprah Winfrey from the Au Pairs of Nanny Pickle - Part 2 in a series

...and so the story unfolds. After weeks of Bad Bunny harassing conversing with Camp Winfrey, the Au Pairs now felt it was time that they stepped in to mend whatever damage had been done. The constant calls to the office by media wanting to know how indeed they had organised a visit from the Queen of TV was, in itself, enough to drive them spare. Not to mention the constant banter from previously mentioned Bunny as his ego grew like a weight lifter on steroids on a daily basis.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with caps in hand and heads lowered in shame that we correspond with you on a rather grave and embarrassing matter.

It has been brought to our attention that a wee bairn of the bunny kind in our charge has been misinforming all and sundry via the rather modern means of Facebook of having an audience with you personally upon your arrival to our fair shores of Australia.

You see, said bunny, aptly named for immeasurable reasons “Bad Bunny” became somewhat over-excited at the thought of your imminent arrival, and as is the nature of wee ones, once his imagination became ignited, well, there was no end to the folly and adventure that his fancy concocted.

And so we come to the reason for our correspondence. Although we, as the Au Pairs to Bad Bunny, feel adequately endowed with all that be required to discipline the aforementioned, our matriarch, the much revered (and somewhat feared) Nanny Pickle felt that perhaps the very person who should offer forward teachings in humility, restraint and the value of respect should also be the very object of his enthusiasms. That of course, being you, Miss Winfrey.

By way of sincerest apologies for the behaviour of our mischievous and endearing Bad Bunny, and as a gesture of our admiration and respect to you, Miss Winfrey, we enclose with this letter of humility some recent photographs of Bad Bunny with his favourite toys, (although he believes them to be real), the Meadow Friends along with a sample of the beautiful clothing collections Nanny and ourselves create when we are not tied up (literally) with Bad Bunny.

We do so hope you will accommodate our request to educate our Bunny on the finer points of etiquette required to develop into a well-rounded and valuable member of modern society.

Our apologies for his improper and deceptive announcement to the world at large with respect to his relationship with you, Miss Winfrey.

Warmest regards

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(Enclosed was a small token of appreciation for Camp Winfrey to show their most humble apologies)

Bad Bunny's "Love Letters" to Oprah - The begining of the end.

We have had many requests, here in The Nursery of Nanny Pickle, regarding the real reasons behind Bad Bunny's falling out with Oprah. After many discussions with our lawyers we have decided to release the controversial correspondence in order of it's submission to the now retired Queen of TV, Ms Oprah Winfrey.

Letter #1: From a fore mentioned Bad Bunny to Ms Oprah Winfrey via the thoroughly modern medium of Facebook.

14th September 2010:

Bad Bunny

So very excited. I just found out that Oprah is going to visit me. I must tidy the Nursery for her visit and get out my best glue sticks. I knew that we were friends but for her to visit she must really like me a lot. Who could blame her really. I am terribly cute.
(No reply from "Camp Winfrey but several excited followers asking "How on earth did you organise that?")
30th September 2010:
Bad Bunny
Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show
How I look forward to your impending visit to The Nursery of Nanny Pickle, here in Australia . To come all of this way to visit me really is a great honour. We have so much in common. We are both very famous and we both really like some of the same things like glue sticks and craft. I look forward to seeing you soon.
Kind Regards,
Bad Bunny
(No reply from "Camp Winfrey...who would have thought) 
1st October 2010 :
Bad Bunny
 Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show,
I was just wanting to check if you were allergic to anything? I am thinking of serving a high tea in my tree house for you. It's as far as I am allowed off the ground.
You see, my friend Sheep is highly allergic to mint sauce and Snail has a bad reaction to anything French.
I can cater for any of your dietary requirements.
Yours in culinary perfection,
Bad Bunny
(Still no reply from "Camp Winfrey"...much to Bad Bunny's growing distress)
4th of October 2011
Bad Bunny

Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show,
Oprah, if there is anything about Australia that you feel people aren't telling you, please let me know. Being a Bunny means that I am a native Australian animal so I have a very good knowledge base about the ins and outs of all things Australian.
I could teach you about good old fashioned Australian etiquette when you come for high tea.
Yours in all a manner of things,
Bad Bunny
(Still no reply from "Camp Winfrey"...Surprising?  We think not.)
5th of October 2011

Bad Bunny
Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show,

Here in The Nursery of Nanny Pickle things are starting to get really busy for your impending arrival.
I just wanted to check if you were bringing your friend Gayle? I have some friends too that I can invite...you know just to balance out the numbers.

Let me know when you get a chance.
Kind Regards,
Bad Bunny
(Camp Winfrey has obviously gone into "Lock Down" by this stage.)

6th of October 2011
Bad Bunny
Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show and O, The Oprah Magazine,
It is with great excitement that I inform you of the entertainment that I have lined up for your visit to Australia.
What I did need to know is do you get dizzy from spinning around? If so, I would not recommend that you play "Pin the tail on Giraffe". It can make one quite nauseous.
What about apple bobbing...do you like apple bobbing?
Let me know your thoughts.
Kind Regards,
Bad Bunny
(Obviously no reply at all. Camp Winfrey possibly thinking of referring Bad Bunny correspondence to their legal team. Au Pair Shannon at this point discovers the cyber on goings and attempts to put an end to them.)

Bad Bunny then gets the idea that he should put pen to paper...what happens next? You will have to wait for the next installment of" Bad Bunny's "Love Letters" to Oprah - The beginning of the end.

  

See the full gallery on Posterous

Love letters....and who said romance was dead?

Every now and then we have to pinch ourselves here in The Nursery of Nanny Pickle.

The day to day grind of being an Au Pair can sometimes cloud the fact that what one does is actually appreciated or if you are Bad Bunny - adored, held in esteem, reveled at and talked about in hushed tones.

 

This is a wee thank you to all the wonderful people who have taken time out of their busy days to say thank you or just to show their enjoyment of our products. We like to call them "Love Letters"

 

We have had love letters from HRH Princess Mary, Dannii Minogue, Natalie Bassingthwaite as well as the gorgeous Chrissie Swan from "The Circle".

 

However, we love and adore the letters we get from Mum's who perhaps aren't as "famous" but are just as important to us.

 

We cherish every word, full stop, exclamation mark and comma. The fact that you have taken to time to put your thoughts down is so greatly appreciated.

 

Keep the Love Letters coming....it keeps our glasses rosy!

 

Visit Nanny Pickle's Love Letters by clicking here.

 

Bad Bunny Apprehended as Easter Bunny Interloper

In the early hours of Easter Sunday, notoriously mischievous Bad Bunny was apprehended for impersonating with intention to defame. This latest apprehension has left many wondering when the accused will ever learn.

On said morning of arrest, Bad Bunny was found to be masquerading as the Easter Bunny and depositing in households across the neighbourhood small brown nuggets, made not of chocolate, but of a composition of Bad Bunny’s own making. Lab test are yet to determine exact composition but "Nursery staff have their suspicions" -  our sources tell us.

Upon capture, Bad Bunny confessed to the attempted deception stating he found the Easter Bunny a "rather overrated example of the Leporidae family" and believed "his gift giving to be a rather pathetic attempt to win the affections of children".

Bad Bunny also stated, via his agents (aka Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon) from his position of custodial containment the following points in his defence:

1. The Easter Bunny is contributing in a very real way to the wealth of the dental and orthodontic professions and could quite possibly be involved in a corporate conspiracy.
2. The Easter Bunny is the sole reason for the ongoing annoyance of what is commonly referred to as "Reality TV" by keeping afloat the likes of such viewing pap as "The Biggest Loser" which hinges almost it's entire premise on the existence of chocolate. Not only is the Easter Bunny contributing to the shameful displays of greed, but also, to the shameful "dumbing" down of the viewing public by enabling the existence of such tripe.
   
3. Bad Bunny would ask of the public this: "Would the Easter Bunny indeed be so popular if he did not bestow gifts of chocolate with such gay abandon?" His spokespeople went on to say "Some could also say that said gift giving to minorities could be deemed as the act of a stranger filled with ill intent, perhaps one could even go so far as to say his endeavours could be seen as those of a stalker."
   
4. Bad Bunny goes onto ask the question of the existence of the Easter Bunny. How indeed would one know if said bunny even exsists? Who indeed, has even seen a photo of him. All we are shown are illustrations and imaginings. Who is to say, and this is the worst part, he is not a hare? Even Santa gets out and about a bit before Christmas you know.
   
5. Bad Bunny has his likeness emblazoned upon reputable and quality product and indeed on a much adored website. Go to www.easterbunny.com and see where it gets you.
   
6. Bad Bunny even has blogs written about him and scintillating comments on Facebook and other such modern social media. Why, he even once received a correspondence from the Royal Palace of Denmark. And Dannii Minogue is a big fan.

As we understand it Bad Bunny has been returned to the custody of Nanny Pickle and The Nursery Staff where he is now serving time on The Box of Contemplation.

Mrs Elspeth Harris, neighbour sharing the eastern boundary of The Nursery, had this to say: "This is right up there with last years attempt by Bad Bunny to impersonate the tooth fairy. It took me a month to get the glitter out of my rugs and the dental technician said my false teeth would never be the same again. Who is going to clean my rugs this time I ask you Nanny Pickle?"

The Easter Bunny representatives have declined to comment....just as Bad Bunny predicted!

Bad Bunny and Nanny Pickle at The Box of Contemplation....when will he ever learn?

The Year of The Bunny and why Princess Mary loves me...Bad Bunny!

....STOP PRESS....

From the office of Bad Bunny's "people"

To all of my loyal and admiring followers I apologise for my lack of public appearances so far this year. I know I have left a great deal of you sad and lonely and for that I am truly sorry.

Ever since my friends in China decided to dedicate a year to me I have not stopped. The Year of The Bunny, aka me, has left my writing paw sore and tired as I have had many official appointments as the face of China for 2011.

The good news is that I now have "people". Said "people" do things for me like dealing with my fan mail and explaining to shop owners why I had to commandeer the store PA to announce my arrival....the people needed to know that I had arrived and sometimes you just have to do things yourself if you want them done properly.

Nanny Pickle said that all of the attention has gone to my head but the only thing that has gone to my head is this lovely crown that I am wearing. I made it myself using Au Pair Shannon's hot glue gun....which is now permanently stuck to the floor of The Nursery. Did you know that if you hold the trigger long enough all of the glue comes out? I figured I was helping as at least now Au Pair Shannon knows where it is.

Anyway, the reason for the crown is that I am now friends with HRH Princess Mary and Prince Frederick of Denmark. They obviously have The Year of the Bunny in Denmark and have been able to relate to the pressures of being in the public eye.

I know that Oprah and I are friends but I feel that Their Royal Highnessess understand the demands placed upon me more. After all, they are royalty.

You see, the Au Pairs had sent a wee parcel to their new born twins which contained various items featuring me...Bad Bunny! Obviously, they had their people research who I was and upon the realisation that I am indeed one of "them" their people in turn sent me this lovely card.

Of course, this will be followed up by something a little more personal but when you are royalty you have to be careful not  to be too familiar.

I am off now to brief my "people" as to what I would like for lunch...all of these public engagements make a Bunny hungry.

Lots of luff,

HRH Bad Bunny

Bad Bunny: "I'm all out of love...Oprah"

Bad Bunny, in an attempt to share his displeasure at being snubbed by the much celebrated Oprah Winfrey on her lauded visit to our fair shores, would like to share with you, his loyal and devoted fans, 10 good reasons to boycott all that is Oprah.

1. Oprah is unmarried, although appears to have some sort of “arrangement” with a gentleman by the name of Stedman. To string said gentleman along, without any thought or concern as to a commitment of traditional convention is for all intents and purposes just plain cruel. (At least that is what it said on the cover of one of those very reputable "ladies" magazines that Au Pair Shannon buys)
   
2. Oprah has a very strange fascination with celebrities (I find it difficult to use the artistic term “actors” for their ilk) of the caliber of Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Lopez. And yet, she can not even deign to respond to my many letters of devotion to her, nor understand that I am cut from a cloth far superior, and indeed talented than aforementioned celebrities. (Simple old fashioned manners go along way you know.)
   
3. Oprah appears to have some sort of voodoo-like power over ladies all over the world. I fear that watching her show puts them into some strange trancelike state, during which she can brainwash them into making her the cult she has become, and thus contributing to her ever growing wealth and power. ( I know this because of the way Au Pair Jennine is transfixed to the TV everyday at 1:00pm. I even caught her reading that "Power of Now" book. New Age dribble no doubt.)
   
4. I find it terribly disturbing (and Nanny would say “vulgar”) that anyone would give a nickname to their most personal of parts. (Although I have no idea what part of the body Vejayjay belongs to but I am presuming it is part of the digestive system...I just don't get it.)
   
5. Anyone of any knowledge and class knows that Australians do not, in actual fact, mutter the utterance “G’day”. And, indeed, anyone with an American accent should at no time in their life attempt to mimic it. And yes, Oprah, that includes you.
6. No-one in their right mind has ever seen the film “Beloved” in which Oprah “starred”.
   
7. Oprah’s relationship with Dr Phil, although both deny vehemently any hanky panky, is questionable. Why on earth would anyone, unless blinded by lust, give that man his own show. (Once again I got this out of one of those bastions of truth that is published weekly for "ladies")
   
8. Not content with brainwashing the fairest gender globally with her syndicated show, Oprah insisted on entering the world of publishing with “O” magazine, thus further spouting her “wisdoms”. Why she feels the world needs more of her opinion is beyond me. (Check out my Facebook page Oprah....see who has the most followers. Hey? Who's a popular Bunny now!)
   
9. Everyone knows wearing shoes with red soles is a blatant display of wealth, and blatant displays of wealth is just plain rude. (Having said that Au Pair Shannon does seem to turn green every time you wear a pair and nonchalantly flash the sole on your TV show)
   
10. Lastly, Oprah just doesn’t know the meaning of friendship. Ok, her and Gayle are clearly close, but so were we, I thought, and to be so callously dismissed in the manner portrayed by her can only lead me to believe that true friendship is not a value she holds dear. (I've written to Gayle to warn her that she too may be discarded like last weeks on set couch.)
    

 
Disclaimer: Just in case, Oprah, you did not get my letters and gifts that I so lovingly sent to you the above is merely the rantings of a Bunny scorned and misunderstood. I know we will always be good friends but what you need to understand is that I am also quite close to Ellen so you never know she and I might just be BBF's (Best Bunny Freinds) one day instead.