"We feel we may be in need of legal assistance" - Part 6 in a series of "How we wooed Oprah"....well kind of.

Hang on in there, it is nearly all over. As we move towards the end of this literary quagmire we start to see the tables turn ever so slightly. Are the Au Pairs really asking for Camp Winfrey to fold and publicly acknowledge said Bunny? Surely they would not stoop to such depths as to seek endorsement of some kind from the Queen of TV herself? Has Nanny Pickle taught them nothing? It would appear that much has gone in one ear and out the other in this instance. O, hark, the sounds of desperation ensue.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

We feel, at this point, we may be needing the services of someone in the law fraternity. I believe you refer to them as “attorneys”. The familiar manner our endearing Bad Bunny is adopting with his correspondence with your good self is becoming rather worrisome. Please do understand he is in no way dangerous, or indeed stalker like. He is only two, and in his imaginative two year old mind, he does indeed have a true and meaningful friendship with you.

In no way can he understand that he is merely a bunny far from the ilk of your most celebrated self. Although we do try to teach him the value of modesty and humility, these words are not ones that fall easily from his tongue, nor sit easily on his shoulders. For in his fancy, he is of world renown – much loved, adored, adulated and worshiped.

Thus, his bold and impudent advances are merely as a result of his whimsy. If it should please you, we do believe we can put a halt to his postings if you did in some way acknowledge his past missives. If Bad Bunny were indeed able to boast to his Meadow Friends (who are not actually real) that he has had a direct correspondence from you, we may well be able to put to rest his incessant badgering of you. (Indeed, it would be of great solace to us all, as to not have to listen to his ramblings of all you have in common…).

Should you find it in your heart to calm the frayed nerves of two very strained Au Pairs, perhaps even a mention of him on your highly anticipated show when you are on our fair shores of Australia, or indeed a brief mention of him in your most celebrated of magazines – O Magazine. For Bad Bunny, the likes of such accession would without doubt, be as exciting as meeting Santa.

 

Yours in much modesty,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(More product sent....yadda, yadda, yadda. Met with the same enthusiasm as all previous gifts bestowed unto the Harpo Studios....stone cold silence she blows!)

 

High Tea with Oprah - Bad Bunny's pie in the sky hopes. Part 5 in a series

Oh, the to and fro. Oh, the literary tete a tete that ensues as Bad Bunny attempts to lure Camp Winfrey into his tree house for cake a a chat about his favourite subject. Is there a slight sense of desperation in his tone? Is Dr Phil more famous than Oprah? Should Bad Bunny be given more structure in his day to stop his mind and prolific typing paw getting The Nursery into so much trouble?

Dear Oprah,

(I feel like I know you well enough to be on a first term basis. Please feel free to call me Bad Bunny….Master sounds so formal)

I really am indeed so glad that we are friends. I mean whom else could I speak to about the trials and tribulations of fame? We have so much in common. Do we not?

Although Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine mean well I feel that they fail to understand exactly the amount of pressure we, meaning you and I, are under being in the public eye.

Only the other day Nanny Pickle told me I was getting too big for my boots. I explained that this was part and parcel of being famous and that Au Pair Shannon had already explained that reading all of my fan mail on Facebook was giving me a big head. So why not big feet? In my case, paws, but you get my meaning, right?

Anyway, I am presuming you have been too busy deciding what the wear to the High Tea Party to answer my questions on Facebook. I understand also if you want to keep our friendship private, as people do get jealous. Don’t worry too much about your attire for the event as being famous means that we look fabulous all the time.

Nanny Pickle told me I was a sight for sore eyes the other morning when I was wanting to find the hammer from my tool kit. I must have looked very good and it was only 4:30 in the morning! At least Nanny’s response was a bit easier to understand than Au Pair Shannon, who muttered something about rabbits feet and lucky charms.

Anyway I digress, dress as you wish and bring a friend….perhaps Gayle would like to join us for High Tea in my Tree House. I would have had High Tea on the roof but my Tree House is as far as I am allowed off the ground even though Au Pair Jennine told me I had my head in the clouds over breakfast yesterday. Sometimes I think The Nursery Staff need to watch more of your show.

Yours in all things truly famous and fabulous,

Bad Bunny

P.S: I have enclosed a wee bit of merchandise from my fan club. I thought you could show Dr Phil…I like him too. Is he more famous than you? Just wondering.

(At this stage of events Camp Winfrey sent via their counsel an invoice for the storage required for "gifting".)

 

"On bended knee we apologise, Oprah" - Part 4 in a series

As we work our way through the quagmire that is the Great Oprah Debacle we begin to observe an emerging pattern; a quid pro quo or a literary meeting of the minds, as the Au Pairs attempt to placate what they fear may well be the "quiet before the perfect storm". After all, Camp Winfrey had made no response to date. Were they gathering their army and planning their attack? Only time will tell.....

 

Dear Miss Winfrey,

 

Again we correspond with you on matters that fill us with deep shame and embarrassment.

Since our last missives it has come to our attention that our wee charge, Bad Bunny, has been relentless in his profferrings to the world of his believed audience with your good self upon your arrival to Australia.

To make matters infinitely worse, we find he has attempted direct correspondence, by way of mail, in a most forward and immodest manner.

You see, being of his age, his narcissistic streak, to put it mildly, is rather wide – more of a gaping cavern than a mere streak. In his fancy he does truly believe someone of your distinction and stature would indeed be honoured to have high tea with him, or for that matter, engage in the most base of board games – Twister.

For all the aforementioned, we can only offer our profuse apologies and endeavour, as best we mere Au Pairs can, to waylay his advances.

As a gesture of humility and respect we enclose a wee gift crafted from our and Nanny Pickle’s hands.

 

Yours in humility,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

PS: We are extremely mortified Bad Bunny made reference to your most intimate nickname for ones most private of worlds in his last communication to you. For it was to our best knowledge that Bad Bunny was having his Nursery nap when we viewed that particular episode of your eponymous show.

(We fear by now that the Harpo Production offices must be starting to get annoyed with the inundation of product being recieved from The Nursery of Nanny Pickle. Unfortunately for us all all the nonsense continues....Part 5 to be posted poste haste)

Bad Bunny's rite of reply: "We are so alike in our fame, Oprah" - Part 3 in a series

It would seem that at this stage the Au Pairs were naive to belive that their letter writting would stop Bad Bunny in his tracks. It would appear that it had quite the opposite effect. Seeing how thoroughly lovely Au Pair Shannon's hand writing was, Bad Bunny deicided to put paw to paper himself and send Oprah a wee bribe token of his appreciation of his own. And so begins a series of literary parrying and retreats that will obviously only end in tears and an increase in Australia Post's profits.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with great joy that I can inform you that, although I am only a 2 year old Bunny, I am completely literate in both the written word and computer type speaking.

I have just at this moment, accidentally, steamed open a letter from Au Pairs Shannon and Jennine, to your fair self.

All I can say is that they are ill-informed and their apologies unfounded and unnecessary.

Spending many long hours with the Au Pairs in The Nursery at lunch times I have had the great pleasure of watching your show. Apart from being occasionally confused about some things….I keep trying to smile into my verjayjay to make it happy. I only tend to wear berets…a verjayjay is some type of  Spanish headwear is it not?

Anyway, I digress; watching many hours of your delightful program has led me to believe that if you wish it you can make it happen.

I know that you have been dying to meet me. So if you wish hard enough we can make it happen….together. Like the friends we are.

I am, at this moment, putting the finishing touches to the high tea I am planning for your trip to Australia. I have some great prizes for pass the parcel. What about Twister? Would that be appropriate?

Let me know what your favourite things are and I will attempt to have some of them ready for your arrival. Or, if you trust me perhaps you would like to take home some of my favourite things…I’ll make you a list to see what you fancy.

Yours in great anticipation,

Bad Bunny

PS: Are you bringing Doctor Oz? Is he Australian or related to that famous Wizard? I’m just curious.

PPS: I enclose a token gift for your pleasure. As you can see, it bears my likeness proudly. For, just as are you, I am a very famous Bunny. (Not that you are a Bunny of course, but famous).

(Small token gift equated to many pieces of Nanny Pickle clothing featuring, naturally, Bad Bunny himself . He had of course signed everything in permanent marker....to add value. After all, Bad Bunny is so very famous and Oprah may hit the skids one day and need to sell a few things on ebay to keep food on the table for herself and Stedman.)

Apologies to Oprah Winfrey from the Au Pairs of Nanny Pickle - Part 2 in a series

...and so the story unfolds. After weeks of Bad Bunny harassing conversing with Camp Winfrey, the Au Pairs now felt it was time that they stepped in to mend whatever damage had been done. The constant calls to the office by media wanting to know how indeed they had organised a visit from the Queen of TV was, in itself, enough to drive them spare. Not to mention the constant banter from previously mentioned Bunny as his ego grew like a weight lifter on steroids on a daily basis.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with caps in hand and heads lowered in shame that we correspond with you on a rather grave and embarrassing matter.

It has been brought to our attention that a wee bairn of the bunny kind in our charge has been misinforming all and sundry via the rather modern means of Facebook of having an audience with you personally upon your arrival to our fair shores of Australia.

You see, said bunny, aptly named for immeasurable reasons “Bad Bunny” became somewhat over-excited at the thought of your imminent arrival, and as is the nature of wee ones, once his imagination became ignited, well, there was no end to the folly and adventure that his fancy concocted.

And so we come to the reason for our correspondence. Although we, as the Au Pairs to Bad Bunny, feel adequately endowed with all that be required to discipline the aforementioned, our matriarch, the much revered (and somewhat feared) Nanny Pickle felt that perhaps the very person who should offer forward teachings in humility, restraint and the value of respect should also be the very object of his enthusiasms. That of course, being you, Miss Winfrey.

By way of sincerest apologies for the behaviour of our mischievous and endearing Bad Bunny, and as a gesture of our admiration and respect to you, Miss Winfrey, we enclose with this letter of humility some recent photographs of Bad Bunny with his favourite toys, (although he believes them to be real), the Meadow Friends along with a sample of the beautiful clothing collections Nanny and ourselves create when we are not tied up (literally) with Bad Bunny.

We do so hope you will accommodate our request to educate our Bunny on the finer points of etiquette required to develop into a well-rounded and valuable member of modern society.

Our apologies for his improper and deceptive announcement to the world at large with respect to his relationship with you, Miss Winfrey.

Warmest regards

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(Enclosed was a small token of appreciation for Camp Winfrey to show their most humble apologies)

Bad Bunny's "Love Letters" to Oprah - The begining of the end.

We have had many requests, here in The Nursery of Nanny Pickle, regarding the real reasons behind Bad Bunny's falling out with Oprah. After many discussions with our lawyers we have decided to release the controversial correspondence in order of it's submission to the now retired Queen of TV, Ms Oprah Winfrey.

Letter #1: From a fore mentioned Bad Bunny to Ms Oprah Winfrey via the thoroughly modern medium of Facebook.

14th September 2010:

Bad Bunny

So very excited. I just found out that Oprah is going to visit me. I must tidy the Nursery for her visit and get out my best glue sticks. I knew that we were friends but for her to visit she must really like me a lot. Who could blame her really. I am terribly cute.
(No reply from "Camp Winfrey but several excited followers asking "How on earth did you organise that?")
30th September 2010:
Bad Bunny
Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show
How I look forward to your impending visit to The Nursery of Nanny Pickle, here in Australia . To come all of this way to visit me really is a great honour. We have so much in common. We are both very famous and we both really like some of the same things like glue sticks and craft. I look forward to seeing you soon.
Kind Regards,
Bad Bunny
(No reply from "Camp Winfrey...who would have thought) 
1st October 2010 :
Bad Bunny
 Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show,
I was just wanting to check if you were allergic to anything? I am thinking of serving a high tea in my tree house for you. It's as far as I am allowed off the ground.
You see, my friend Sheep is highly allergic to mint sauce and Snail has a bad reaction to anything French.
I can cater for any of your dietary requirements.
Yours in culinary perfection,
Bad Bunny
(Still no reply from "Camp Winfrey"...much to Bad Bunny's growing distress)
4th of October 2011
Bad Bunny

Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show,
Oprah, if there is anything about Australia that you feel people aren't telling you, please let me know. Being a Bunny means that I am a native Australian animal so I have a very good knowledge base about the ins and outs of all things Australian.
I could teach you about good old fashioned Australian etiquette when you come for high tea.
Yours in all a manner of things,
Bad Bunny
(Still no reply from "Camp Winfrey"...Surprising?  We think not.)
5th of October 2011

Bad Bunny
Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show,

Here in The Nursery of Nanny Pickle things are starting to get really busy for your impending arrival.
I just wanted to check if you were bringing your friend Gayle? I have some friends too that I can invite...you know just to balance out the numbers.

Let me know when you get a chance.
Kind Regards,
Bad Bunny
(Camp Winfrey has obviously gone into "Lock Down" by this stage.)

6th of October 2011
Bad Bunny
Dear The Oprah Winfrey Show and O, The Oprah Magazine,
It is with great excitement that I inform you of the entertainment that I have lined up for your visit to Australia.
What I did need to know is do you get dizzy from spinning around? If so, I would not recommend that you play "Pin the tail on Giraffe". It can make one quite nauseous.
What about apple bobbing...do you like apple bobbing?
Let me know your thoughts.
Kind Regards,
Bad Bunny
(Obviously no reply at all. Camp Winfrey possibly thinking of referring Bad Bunny correspondence to their legal team. Au Pair Shannon at this point discovers the cyber on goings and attempts to put an end to them.)

Bad Bunny then gets the idea that he should put pen to paper...what happens next? You will have to wait for the next installment of" Bad Bunny's "Love Letters" to Oprah - The beginning of the end.

  

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