10 Things You Always Wanted to Know About Bad Bunny by the Inimitable Bad Bunny.

Today, in a world of Twitter, Facebook and the likes of You Tube, becoming a legend in one's own toy box is not so hard...let's face it, if that Bieber kid can do it can it really be so hard???  Or so are the musings of Bad Bunny. Surely his many brushes with fame mean something? You have by now read his correspondence with Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of TV,  herself. It is hard to believe that one so young could have such a strong sense of self. It is also hard to believe that a Bunny could be so amazingly narcissistic as to think that anyone would want to engage in his completely self possessed rantings.....but here they are. Everything you wanted to know about Bad Bunny but were too afraid, or couldn't be bothered to ask:

1. Bad Bunny denies any relation, genetically or otherwise to that rather insulting excuse for a buck, Peter. It has come to his knowledge that rumours are being spread claiming that Peter Rabbit and himself are brothers! Bad Bunny would like to say that anyone with any class or pedigree can indeed see the idea is preposterous.
2. Bad Bunny’s Meadow Friends are not toys as Au Pair Jennine would have him believe, but are indeed very real. Why, not only have said Bunny and the Friends cohabited the Nursery together, but they are soon to star in their very own reality animation. Then won’t Au Pair Jennine have egg on her face…oh that’s right, she already has, at breakfast this morning, when I “accidentally” shot the contents of my egg cup across the table with my slingshot.
3. Trolleyboys are overrated. Anyone can operate those tractor thingys with a little practice...or even just by intuition alone.
   Disclaimer: Bad Bunny denies any dents or scratches on vehicles parked in the Village Grocer’s car park are the result of Bad Bunny’s practicings on said tractor thingy.
4. Bad Bunny has studied architecture and is an honorary member of the AIA and winner of the Pritzker Architecture Prize (although he is yet to receive his award) for a work entitled Royal Tarzan. This piece of mastery involved very delicate layering and construction of an entire set of Nanny’s Royal Albert dinnerware, consolidated and cohesed with a multitude of Tarzan Grip tubes of adhesive. Nanny is yet to discover the masterpiece, though she has often been heard to ask in bewilderment as to the whereabouts of her prized dinnerware set.
5. Bad Bunny is a fashion artiste to challenge the talent of the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier (who Bad Bunny refers to as “that French git”). The git’s muse Madonna was nothing on Bad Bunny’s muse, Giraffe. After all, who could possibly surpass such a sight as said Giraffe donning a rather spectacular polyester jumpsuit created entirely with a glue gun and sequins featuring the warning: jumpsuit must never come within 1km of an open flame.
6. Although for all appearances Bad Bunny is an orphan, his lineage, in his own words, leans more to the ilk of true blue blooded aristocracy. Although one is led to believe that the Windsors had a tendency to bestow their love of animals on corgis and horses, there is in fact an entire floor of Buck House devoted to furry friends of the lapin varietal (who are, after all referred to as “bucks”). In fact, the Queen’s friend of choice is not in fact Philip, but a small bunny named Esmerelda (Esme to HRH) believed to be the mama of Bad Bunny.
7. David Attenborough has filmed a complete series devoted entirely to the world of Bad Bunny, entitled “I want to come back as Bad Bunny”.
8. Bad Bunny has been invited to compete on X-Factor. He declined due to unfair talent advantage, and the fact that he would inevitably win as Dannii Minogue has a very well known bunny crush on him.
9. Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon are actually alien robots programmed to look after Bad Bunny, by Bad Bunny himself.
10. Bad Bunny is an intellectual though oft misunderstood genius. After all, who else can invent the likes of the engineering masterpiece below.