Oprah, we have sent Bad Bunny to The Box of Contemplation - Part 8 in a series

You are by now, dear reader, either completely engrossed or completely comatosed by the seemingly never ending game of literary badminton that is unfolding. Either way, The Nursery Staff would like to reassure assure all who wend their way through the afore mentioned digital ramblings, that these are actual correspondences sent to Ms Winfrey, herself. We dare say she has never read read them nor even knows of our existence but what fun ensued in their writing....only you and The Nursery Staff know!

Dear Miss Winfrey,

The relentless pursuit of your good self by our errant Bunny is now becoming beyond reproach. In an effort to impede any further untoward ramblings being inflicted on your most celebrated person, we have assigned Bad Bunny to the Box of Contemplation for the duration.

Please do not fret, this is in no way a tool of torture, but merely what it claims to be - a box upon which to contemplate one’s actions.

We again find ourselves in the regrettable position of feeling the need to apologise for the aforesaid relentless ramblings from our Bad Bunny, and again, by way of good will (with perhaps just a hint of one’s attempt to ingratiate one’s self to you) we enclose a wee gift for your pleasure.

Nanny Pickle takes much delight in creating her gorgeous collections and in the process hopes to educate all and sundry in the ways of proper etiquette and good old fashioned manners. It is clear however, in the case of Bad Bunny, these attempts are oft ill-conceived.

Yours in most extreme humility,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(See below for confirmation of Bad Bunny's ostracism to The Box of Contemplation)

Oprah, do you think Stedman would mind if I moved in? Part 7 in a series

In the vein of Tolstoy's masterpiece "War and Peace" but not as literary worthy, we bring you the seventh part in our  seemingly endless one sided anthology. The question at hand it would seem is whether or not the Queen of TV, Ms Oprah Winfrey herself, could tolerate co-habitating with her "wanna be" muse, Bad Bunny. With headache powders and good gin at the ready, we launch into what one can only hope, will be one of the last installments is this series.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with great excitement that I send this wee package to you, as your trip to Australia looms closer. What a meeting of the minds it will be. For like you, I am often misunderstood as the previous letter sent to you by Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine shows.

I mean, really, I know we need to keep our friendship and mutual admiration within the “fold” so to speak, but, it would seem that The Nursery Staff at Nanny Pickle have completely misunderstood just what great friends we are.

This brings me to the high tea party, that, I am throwing in honour of our blossoming friendship. I have been madly signing some Bad Bunny merchandise that you can take home with you when you leave Australia. It is always great to have souvenirs of the places that you have travelled to and the people you have met. I don’t want you to be sad about the fact that we don’t live next door to each other. Wow! Wouldn’t that be great! If we were neighbours, you wouldn’t need the life size cut out picture of me that I have had to prepare for you. You could just see me every day.

I know that “familiarity breeds contempt” because Nanny Pickle is always telling me to make myself scarce. I figure that is so she can understand how much she misses me when she sees me again. Being an adult sure is complicated.

Will you miss me when you leave Australia Oprah? I know I will miss you but being a Bunny makes me cuter and more easy to cuddle. Perhaps it would be better if I just went home with you? It might make things easier for you. I would hate you to have to go and see Doctor Phil because of me. I have heard that saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but I don’t think it really would apply in this case because I fear you may just get very sad when we are apart.

Do you think Stedman would mind if I moved in?

My only problem then would be what to do with all of the sad people here at The Nursery of Nanny Pickle.

I will have to think long and hard about all of this. Gosh, being a celebrity sure has its moments. I am sure you are learning all about this

I am off to check how my Meadow Friends are going with the construction of the firework display that I am working on for our tea party. I have had them fashion a huge effigy of me, Bad Bunny, for your viewing pleasure.

Kindest Regards,

Bad Bunny

 

10 Things You Always Wanted to Know About Bad Bunny by the Inimitable Bad Bunny.

Today, in a world of Twitter, Facebook and the likes of You Tube, becoming a legend in one's own toy box is not so hard...let's face it, if that Bieber kid can do it can it really be so hard???  Or so are the musings of Bad Bunny. Surely his many brushes with fame mean something? You have by now read his correspondence with Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of TV,  herself. It is hard to believe that one so young could have such a strong sense of self. It is also hard to believe that a Bunny could be so amazingly narcissistic as to think that anyone would want to engage in his completely self possessed rantings.....but here they are. Everything you wanted to know about Bad Bunny but were too afraid, or couldn't be bothered to ask:

1. Bad Bunny denies any relation, genetically or otherwise to that rather insulting excuse for a buck, Peter. It has come to his knowledge that rumours are being spread claiming that Peter Rabbit and himself are brothers! Bad Bunny would like to say that anyone with any class or pedigree can indeed see the idea is preposterous.
2. Bad Bunny’s Meadow Friends are not toys as Au Pair Jennine would have him believe, but are indeed very real. Why, not only have said Bunny and the Friends cohabited the Nursery together, but they are soon to star in their very own reality animation. Then won’t Au Pair Jennine have egg on her face…oh that’s right, she already has, at breakfast this morning, when I “accidentally” shot the contents of my egg cup across the table with my slingshot.
3. Trolleyboys are overrated. Anyone can operate those tractor thingys with a little practice...or even just by intuition alone.
   Disclaimer: Bad Bunny denies any dents or scratches on vehicles parked in the Village Grocer’s car park are the result of Bad Bunny’s practicings on said tractor thingy.
4. Bad Bunny has studied architecture and is an honorary member of the AIA and winner of the Pritzker Architecture Prize (although he is yet to receive his award) for a work entitled Royal Tarzan. This piece of mastery involved very delicate layering and construction of an entire set of Nanny’s Royal Albert dinnerware, consolidated and cohesed with a multitude of Tarzan Grip tubes of adhesive. Nanny is yet to discover the masterpiece, though she has often been heard to ask in bewilderment as to the whereabouts of her prized dinnerware set.
5. Bad Bunny is a fashion artiste to challenge the talent of the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier (who Bad Bunny refers to as “that French git”). The git’s muse Madonna was nothing on Bad Bunny’s muse, Giraffe. After all, who could possibly surpass such a sight as said Giraffe donning a rather spectacular polyester jumpsuit created entirely with a glue gun and sequins featuring the warning: jumpsuit must never come within 1km of an open flame.
6. Although for all appearances Bad Bunny is an orphan, his lineage, in his own words, leans more to the ilk of true blue blooded aristocracy. Although one is led to believe that the Windsors had a tendency to bestow their love of animals on corgis and horses, there is in fact an entire floor of Buck House devoted to furry friends of the lapin varietal (who are, after all referred to as “bucks”). In fact, the Queen’s friend of choice is not in fact Philip, but a small bunny named Esmerelda (Esme to HRH) believed to be the mama of Bad Bunny.
7. David Attenborough has filmed a complete series devoted entirely to the world of Bad Bunny, entitled “I want to come back as Bad Bunny”.
8. Bad Bunny has been invited to compete on X-Factor. He declined due to unfair talent advantage, and the fact that he would inevitably win as Dannii Minogue has a very well known bunny crush on him.
9. Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon are actually alien robots programmed to look after Bad Bunny, by Bad Bunny himself.
10. Bad Bunny is an intellectual though oft misunderstood genius. After all, who else can invent the likes of the engineering masterpiece below.