"I'll be fine" - An expose into the personal fears of Au Pair Jennine

Bad Bunny is delighted to bring you a list of the ten fears distinct to the imagination of Au Pair Jennine. You may or may not be aware of the fact that our delightful, if somewhat eccentric Au Pair harbours many an irrational and inexplicable fear, the list of which follows.

It is with much pleasure Bad Bunny discloses this wealth of information, as not only does it make him giggle in a devilish manner to bring to the public attention the Au Pair’s foibles, but it also supplies him with many a weapon with which to torture said Au Pair when she, of course, least expects it.

1. The sight of ducks on a pond fills Au Pair Jennine with horror. No, she is not frightful of our quacking floating friends, but more so the thought of small children throwing pieces of torn bread to them with gay abandon. It is said bread, upon hitting the water and becoming heavy and sodden with liquid that makes the lovely Au Pair quake in her wellies.
2. Au Pair Jennine has a distinct dislike for the word ‘moist’. Bad Bunny delights in mentioning the word with a regularity that could be deemed cruel. He is particularly fond of reciting recipes from Delia Smith’s Book of Cakes, as Delia oft describes cakes using just such an adjective.
3. Although one may find Au Pair Jennine of a particular intelligence not to be scoffed at, where she gleens her wisdom from remains somewhat of a mystery, given she cannot bear to touch, let alone read, newspapers.
4. Au Pair Shannon has some serious concerns over the childhood of Au Pair Jennine. She fears there may be hidden some very dark and demented secrets, for Au Pair Jennine has an inordinate fear of wire coat hangers. Could they have been an instrument of torture brought upon her in her early years?
5. Although an Au Pair of most English of origins, Au Pair Jennine finds porridge abhorrent.
6. Although a lover of all creatures great and small in a most James Herriot of manner, Au Pair Jennine cannot tolerate, nor indeed understand affections towards guinea pigs.
7. Most odd in the vehemence she feels toward him, Au Pair Jennine holds with great disdain that dashing Glaswegian, Sir Sean Connery. Nanny believes it may have something to do with his untoward advances to herself in her younger years which has tainted the Au Pair’s opinion.
8. Beloved by millions around the world, Au Pair Jennine fails to understand the appeal of synchronized swimming. She finds the concept not only a tad touched, but actually believes it to be an evil cult brainwashing the innocent minds of nubile young girls.
9. Au Pair Jennine has a habit of reeling with horror at the sight of a mascara brush, let alone lipliner and lipstick. The idea of make-up strikes fear in her heart and sends a shiver down her spine. Needless to say, she strides through the cosmetics section of John Lewis at a cracking pace.
10. Affection of any form sends Au Pair Jennine into cold sweats, and is highly discouraged. Needless to say, Bad Bunny takes great delight in bestowing cuddles, kisses and much hair stroking upon said Au Pair.

STOP PRESS by Au Pair Jennine: In my defence,Delia Smith is a little "too perfect" and her love of the word "moist" is not normal. I did once own a lipstick but I left it in the car on a hot summers day and have never had the chance to buy a new one. What went down between myself and Sir Sean is not for public discussion....let's just say a kilt does not necessarily maketh the man. Lastly, who, in their right does not find this disturbing: