Bad Bunny: "I'm all out of love...Oprah"

Bad Bunny, in an attempt to share his displeasure at being snubbed by the much celebrated Oprah Winfrey on her lauded visit to our fair shores, would like to share with you, his loyal and devoted fans, 10 good reasons to boycott all that is Oprah.

1. Oprah is unmarried, although appears to have some sort of “arrangement” with a gentleman by the name of Stedman. To string said gentleman along, without any thought or concern as to a commitment of traditional convention is for all intents and purposes just plain cruel. (At least that is what it said on the cover of one of those very reputable "ladies" magazines that Au Pair Shannon buys)
   
2. Oprah has a very strange fascination with celebrities (I find it difficult to use the artistic term “actors” for their ilk) of the caliber of Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Lopez. And yet, she can not even deign to respond to my many letters of devotion to her, nor understand that I am cut from a cloth far superior, and indeed talented than aforementioned celebrities. (Simple old fashioned manners go along way you know.)
   
3. Oprah appears to have some sort of voodoo-like power over ladies all over the world. I fear that watching her show puts them into some strange trancelike state, during which she can brainwash them into making her the cult she has become, and thus contributing to her ever growing wealth and power. ( I know this because of the way Au Pair Jennine is transfixed to the TV everyday at 1:00pm. I even caught her reading that "Power of Now" book. New Age dribble no doubt.)
   
4. I find it terribly disturbing (and Nanny would say “vulgar”) that anyone would give a nickname to their most personal of parts. (Although I have no idea what part of the body Vejayjay belongs to but I am presuming it is part of the digestive system...I just don't get it.)
   
5. Anyone of any knowledge and class knows that Australians do not, in actual fact, mutter the utterance “G’day”. And, indeed, anyone with an American accent should at no time in their life attempt to mimic it. And yes, Oprah, that includes you.
6. No-one in their right mind has ever seen the film “Beloved” in which Oprah “starred”.
   
7. Oprah’s relationship with Dr Phil, although both deny vehemently any hanky panky, is questionable. Why on earth would anyone, unless blinded by lust, give that man his own show. (Once again I got this out of one of those bastions of truth that is published weekly for "ladies")
   
8. Not content with brainwashing the fairest gender globally with her syndicated show, Oprah insisted on entering the world of publishing with “O” magazine, thus further spouting her “wisdoms”. Why she feels the world needs more of her opinion is beyond me. (Check out my Facebook page Oprah....see who has the most followers. Hey? Who's a popular Bunny now!)
   
9. Everyone knows wearing shoes with red soles is a blatant display of wealth, and blatant displays of wealth is just plain rude. (Having said that Au Pair Shannon does seem to turn green every time you wear a pair and nonchalantly flash the sole on your TV show)
   
10. Lastly, Oprah just doesn’t know the meaning of friendship. Ok, her and Gayle are clearly close, but so were we, I thought, and to be so callously dismissed in the manner portrayed by her can only lead me to believe that true friendship is not a value she holds dear. (I've written to Gayle to warn her that she too may be discarded like last weeks on set couch.)
    

 
Disclaimer: Just in case, Oprah, you did not get my letters and gifts that I so lovingly sent to you the above is merely the rantings of a Bunny scorned and misunderstood. I know we will always be good friends but what you need to understand is that I am also quite close to Ellen so you never know she and I might just be BBF's (Best Bunny Freinds) one day instead.