The Fashion Police exposed, or, underexposed. An unfortunate incident indeed.

As an embarrassing result of the Au Pairs recent foray into the retail world, we regret to inform those of you who have an endearing love for our Bunny of the mischievous kind that said Bunny has had a run in with the boys in blue. 

Yes, I deceive you not. Our wee charge has fallen onto the wrong side of the law. (Well, it was only a matter of time and we believe the magistrate will exercise leniency). 

You see, as is our wont, Au Pair Jennine (Au Pair Hired Out of Desperation) and myself (Au Pair Shannon aka Au Pair First Hired) were, unfortunately,  rather vocal in the presence of a Bunny with rather large ears and a matching tummy on the subject of the faux pas of the fashion kind that are paraded before our very eyes when plying our trade in our little pop up stores.

(All in all, we sometimes get a tad concerned as to what indeed is deemed fashionable or even wearable in shopping centres. Underwear is called underwear for a reason people!)

As a result of our lack of subtlety, Bad Bunny felt the need to get legal advice from the top, from the thin blue line in fact, or if you are prone to watching Pay TV, he rang the cops. Oh yes, Bad Bunny got his little paws on Au Pair Jennine’s (Au Pair Hired Out of Desperation) iPhone when she left it lying temptingly on Nanny’s sideboard, and with said paws deftly poised, he did dial that number that contains naught but three zeros.

And so, the conversation unfolded (according to Police transcript):

Boys in Blue: “Emergency. How can we assist?”

Bad Bunny: “Good afternoon occifer (sic). Why no hello? Are you having a bad day? Nanny always told me to greet people with a friendly hello.”

Boys in Blue: “Do you have an emergency?”

Bad Bunny: “Well, I do indeed. May I please speak to an occifer (sic) from your Fashion Police Department?”

Boys in Blue: “What? We don’t have a Fashion Police Department. Young man, is this some sort of prank. You do realise we can charge you for wasting police time.”

Bad Bunny: “Occifer (sic), this is far from a prank. A very serious offence has been committed. Or so the Au Pairs say. You see I overheard them saying that there are people murdering style and it was about time the Fashion Police did something about it.”

Boys in Blue: “Please get off the line, boy! This number is for emergencies only.”

Bad Bunny: “Really? But clearly there is a need for Fashion Police. Maybe the Au Pairs and me could become fashion detectives. According to them they are all terribly stylish. And the Au Pairs are very good at telling people behind their backs that they really shouldn’t wear lycra. And I myself look terribly fetching in a uniform and I do so love to wield a baton.

Boys in Blue: “Is there an adult in the room with you? Put them on!”

Bad Bunny: “Well there is a giraffe. Will he do? He is terribly shy though.”

Boys in Blue: “I must insist you hang up the phone now!”

Bad Bunny: “Oh dear, you are having a bad day. You seem so terribly grumpy. Before I go, could I just ask you about capsicum spray? Is it some strange form of salad dressing? I hear it talked about on the news but it never seems to be mentioned in the same sentence as salad. And indeed if you are using capsicum as a way of thwarting villains, surely throwing a capsicum whole, rather than making a salad dressing of it would be far more helpful. And indeed, perhaps not a capsicum, but an overripe banana instead. Much more bang for your buck. Kind of a pie in the face effect with soft banana and then a banana skin on which to slip up said fiend. Two for one. It’s genius. Anyway, I digress…”

Boys in Blue: BEEP BEEP BEEP

Needless to say, Bad Bunny’s dialling rights have been revoked until further notice. And we, Au Pairs First Hired and Hired Our of Desperation have had a dressing down (not a salad kind either) from Nanny Pickle for filling Bad Bunny’s head with nonsense.

 

 

 

 

Bad Bunny Refutes Nursery Style

(From the desk of Bad Bunny...I'm not really bad. Just misunderstood and often in the wrong place at the wrong time)

It has come to my attention that the Nursery of Nanny Pickle has unveiled a “Nursery Look of the Week”. This does not sit well with me, as you see surely tis only I, of all the Nursery folk, who has an innate sense of style. 
Ok, yes, Au Pair Shannon was once complimented upon as being “styrish” by our Korean friends, but really? At the time she was donning a particularly ragged pair of jeans that exposed through a rip in the posterior her bright orange undergarment.
And, you see, although Madame Coco Chanel was seen as the very doyenne of all things chic and stylish, I do believe this was a media hype up, for who in their right mind could believe that putting everything you wish to wear on, and then taking  one thing off would lead to one being the most stylish version of themselves. We all know there is nothing to make one quite the fashionista as an excess of excess. 
Yes, you may want to wear your truly bewitching pea coat with your lovely tunic frock, but of course it would not be complete without the addition of fairy wings and some spotty tights. And of course a pair of green wellies. (Even Jamie Oliver, Au Pair Shannon's secret boyfriend, wears them and he's got his own TV show.)
And no buck in his right mind would step out of the Nursery donning just a pair of braced pants and an argyle sweater. Surely a superhero mask and socks and sandals (with braced pants tucked in said socks) can only improve the outfit and take one’s style barometer through the roof.
So you see, with all due respect Au Pairs, and indeed Mme Chanel, I think you may be a little overestimating your abilities in the style department, and in doing so are fooling many an innocent member of the public who deem your advice worthy. Tis me they should adore and take sage advice from. Me. Bad Bunny. Style Guru. Fahionista Extraordinaire. Me. Bad Bunny. Me. 
(PS. I wouldn't go crticising my "get up" today Au Pair Jennine. I think your outfit could do with a little more thought! Those shoes do not match your bag at all.)

Santa's Greatest Fear - Bad Bunny's letter arrives at the North Pole

Dear Santa,

I am writing to you in an effort to try to make sense of the mystery that surrounds you and your merrymaking in this, the festive season.

You see, up until recently I had been under the misguided impression that your generosity in giving out presents to all the Bad Bunnies of the world was merely because you were a jolly old fellow, as I have always heard you referred to in songs.

It has come to my attention that you actually require some sort of behaviour promise for us to receive said goodies. Could that not be deemed as blackmail (I once saw a blackmailer on an episode of “Law and Order” sent to prison for such an activity…and don’t tell the Au Pairs I was watching, I was supposed to be asleep in bed hours earlier, but after they have had their evening tipple, they sometimes fail to notice my late evening wanderings)?

Now, apparently you have a “Naughty or Good List” upon which all the Bunnies of the world are marked under the appropriate column (and I must add, does not my name put me immediately at a disadvantage?). Firstly, how on Earth can you know what ALL the Bunnies are doing ALL the time? Surely there must be room for error…And secondly isn’t the idea of “good” open to interpretation, and indeed “good” for whom. My behaviour is never anything but great fun for me.

You see, I thought it awfully “good” fun when I decided giraffe would make a particularly delightful Christmas tree once adorned with fairy lights. He was so resplendent in his glowing glory once plugged in…oh you should have seen him, or maybe you did, given you apparently know what ALL the Bunnies are doing ALL the time. However, Au Pair Shannon told me I was being terribly naughty and sent me to the Box of Contemplation. I can only imagine she was upset with me because I did not put her home made Christmas star atop his head (you see, it is terribly ugly, all sticks and red plastic berries, it would have ruined my display).

And I also thought it would be a “good” deed to help Au Pair Jennine on her recent photo shoot. She was shooting the new Spot the Difference Collection and fell asleep (or was that, knocked her head when she fell because of her untied laces (I only untied them to make her more comfortable) and was out cold for a while, not sure which) and I thought to help her channel her creative energy, I would make her face and arms all spotty to match. I thought it would help her focus. When she awoke she went an awfully strange shade of purple.

So you see Santa, I am in a bit of a quandary as to what exactly is required of me to receive the bounty I am due. You can write me at the Nursery of Nanny Pickle. Just address it to Bad Bunny. I am terribly clever, and though only four, do know how to read and type.

Luff,

Bad Bunny

PS And by the way who, indeed, are you to say what is deemed as “naughty or good” when your very likeness was created by a greedy, planet raping, obesity contributing, evil corporate giant of the Cola variety. The fact you allow your representation to have been invented by such a money hungry beast. Should that not be deemed as “naughty”? Or in the very least “not good”? 

Given your influence over Bunnies of the youthful kind should you not wish to be associated with more wholesome activity? Everyone knows Cola rots your teeth, and it’s only redeeming feature is it’s inordinate ability to clean copper coins.

So, ye of the red and white suit so astonishingly close to the branding of aforementioned Cola, I ask you reassess the bribery upon which you deign to gift give or not.

Not so much luff anymore,

Bad Bunny

PPS Unless, of course,  you do indeed bring me everything on my wish list, then, like Oprah, we can be friends again. 

Perhaps Luff,

Bad Bunny

 

Today in The Nursery by Bad Bunny. A restrospective posting of the meteorological kind.

Every now and then we come across a literary gem that we had forgotten about. Here is Bad Bunny relaying his conversation with a Forecaster from The Bureau of Meteorology. 

"Today in the Nursery" by Bad Bunny

Au Pair Jennine is complaining because it has been raining for 5 days and she can't take photographs for the website.

So, I called the weatherman and ordered some nice weather for her. The weatherman said he would see what he could do. I also asked him a few questions that I have always wanted to know the answers to:

1. When it rains cats and dogs how do the dogs cope? Everyone knows that cats always land on their feet but what of the poor dogs?

2. It is any particular breed of cat or dog that it normally rains? I can imagine most dogs would like the rain but cats don't seem very fussed with getting wet. What breed of cat is most common?

3. Are the cats at least equipped with some sort of wet weather gear?

4. Could you name the next cyclone after me? After all, Nanny Pickle often refers to me as a force of nature.

5. I heard Nanny Pickle once say that Mrs Harris next door was full of wind. Mrs Harris's hair is never windblown, it always looks terribly neat,  so how could this be? Should I ask Mrs Harris herself?

I did have other questions but the weatherman said he had to go. They must be really busy in that office.

Kind Regards,
Bad Bunny.

I hope you get better soon, Oprah. The final installment in a series of 9.

What a sojourn this has been indeed, o' fair and gentle reader. Like Aunt Dot and her unlikely posse in Rose Macaulay's "The Towers of Trebizond" we have set off into the blue yonder with camel and headache powders at hand. And in all honesty, haven't the highs been moderate and the falls monumental? In fact this story has seen more falls than the Italian soccer team in a World Cup decider, for the want of a better analogy. How the Au Pairs have tried to excuse, blame, apologise for and ignore Bad Bunny's antics and how Bad Bunny has risen to the challenge of growing an ego the size of Norman Foster's "Gherkin" in London is the mettle legends are made of. 

So sit back and enjoy the final installment in this 9 part series....all three of you who have been following it.

Dear Oprah,

 I feel that I can call you Oprah these days, after all, we have been corresponding for some time now.

On that note, I don’t seem to have received your RSVP for the high tea party. Perhaps your assistant has forgotten to pop it in the post? Nanny Pickle often tells the Au Pairs, especially Au Pair Jennine, that good staff are so very hard to find.

 Just because we are famous, Oprah, doesn’t mean we don’t suffer the slings and sparrows of everyday Bunnies or people. If ever you need a hand with staffing your office let me know. Some of my Meadow Friends might be able to help you out. Of course, we would have to have adjoining offices with views and one of those electric pencil sharpeners.

 Imagine us working side by side…

 Also, I notice that you have not “liked” me on Facebook nor are you following me on Twitter. Don’t be shy! People will find out eventually that we are BBFF’s (Best Bunny Friends Forever). Perhaps this way we just let people know softly so that they don’t get jealous. I mean, I can’t be friends with everyone now can I?

 Looking over everything now I realise that I have not received many answers at all to many of my questions. I am thinking that this is because either Au Pair Shannon has been posting my letters to The Ellen Show instead of The Oprah Show, which may well be the case, or, you have had an operation that has left you with a massive bandage going all the way around your head….you know like in Days of Our Lives when they have a car accident and then they reveal their new face and they look really different.

 I hope you get better soon Oprah. Let me know if you need anything.

 I will get my people to talk to your people as to what may have happened to your correspondence to me. Giraffe and Chicken will get to the bottom of it all. They are very good at detective work.

 I will wait by the post box for your reply…. hopefully it will stop raining. It’s not nice being water logged when you are a Bunny.

 Kind Regards,

Bad Bunny

(To date, The Nursery of Nanny Pickle is yet to recieve any corresponance from Ms Winfrey or her legal staff which is a relief to Nanny Pickle and the Au Pairs. Bad Bunny, it would seem, has turned his attentions to one Ms Ellen Degeneres...who apparently still has a show so therefore must be a bigger and better celebrity than Oprah anyway.)

Oprah, we have sent Bad Bunny to The Box of Contemplation - Part 8 in a series

You are by now, dear reader, either completely engrossed or completely comatosed by the seemingly never ending game of literary badminton that is unfolding. Either way, The Nursery Staff would like to reassure assure all who wend their way through the afore mentioned digital ramblings, that these are actual correspondences sent to Ms Winfrey, herself. We dare say she has never read read them nor even knows of our existence but what fun ensued in their writing....only you and The Nursery Staff know!

Dear Miss Winfrey,

The relentless pursuit of your good self by our errant Bunny is now becoming beyond reproach. In an effort to impede any further untoward ramblings being inflicted on your most celebrated person, we have assigned Bad Bunny to the Box of Contemplation for the duration.

Please do not fret, this is in no way a tool of torture, but merely what it claims to be - a box upon which to contemplate one’s actions.

We again find ourselves in the regrettable position of feeling the need to apologise for the aforesaid relentless ramblings from our Bad Bunny, and again, by way of good will (with perhaps just a hint of one’s attempt to ingratiate one’s self to you) we enclose a wee gift for your pleasure.

Nanny Pickle takes much delight in creating her gorgeous collections and in the process hopes to educate all and sundry in the ways of proper etiquette and good old fashioned manners. It is clear however, in the case of Bad Bunny, these attempts are oft ill-conceived.

Yours in most extreme humility,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(See below for confirmation of Bad Bunny's ostracism to The Box of Contemplation)

Oprah, do you think Stedman would mind if I moved in? Part 7 in a series

In the vein of Tolstoy's masterpiece "War and Peace" but not as literary worthy, we bring you the seventh part in our  seemingly endless one sided anthology. The question at hand it would seem is whether or not the Queen of TV, Ms Oprah Winfrey herself, could tolerate co-habitating with her "wanna be" muse, Bad Bunny. With headache powders and good gin at the ready, we launch into what one can only hope, will be one of the last installments is this series.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

It is with great excitement that I send this wee package to you, as your trip to Australia looms closer. What a meeting of the minds it will be. For like you, I am often misunderstood as the previous letter sent to you by Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine shows.

I mean, really, I know we need to keep our friendship and mutual admiration within the “fold” so to speak, but, it would seem that The Nursery Staff at Nanny Pickle have completely misunderstood just what great friends we are.

This brings me to the high tea party, that, I am throwing in honour of our blossoming friendship. I have been madly signing some Bad Bunny merchandise that you can take home with you when you leave Australia. It is always great to have souvenirs of the places that you have travelled to and the people you have met. I don’t want you to be sad about the fact that we don’t live next door to each other. Wow! Wouldn’t that be great! If we were neighbours, you wouldn’t need the life size cut out picture of me that I have had to prepare for you. You could just see me every day.

I know that “familiarity breeds contempt” because Nanny Pickle is always telling me to make myself scarce. I figure that is so she can understand how much she misses me when she sees me again. Being an adult sure is complicated.

Will you miss me when you leave Australia Oprah? I know I will miss you but being a Bunny makes me cuter and more easy to cuddle. Perhaps it would be better if I just went home with you? It might make things easier for you. I would hate you to have to go and see Doctor Phil because of me. I have heard that saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but I don’t think it really would apply in this case because I fear you may just get very sad when we are apart.

Do you think Stedman would mind if I moved in?

My only problem then would be what to do with all of the sad people here at The Nursery of Nanny Pickle.

I will have to think long and hard about all of this. Gosh, being a celebrity sure has its moments. I am sure you are learning all about this

I am off to check how my Meadow Friends are going with the construction of the firework display that I am working on for our tea party. I have had them fashion a huge effigy of me, Bad Bunny, for your viewing pleasure.

Kindest Regards,

Bad Bunny

 

10 Things You Always Wanted to Know About Bad Bunny by the Inimitable Bad Bunny.

Today, in a world of Twitter, Facebook and the likes of You Tube, becoming a legend in one's own toy box is not so hard...let's face it, if that Bieber kid can do it can it really be so hard???  Or so are the musings of Bad Bunny. Surely his many brushes with fame mean something? You have by now read his correspondence with Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of TV,  herself. It is hard to believe that one so young could have such a strong sense of self. It is also hard to believe that a Bunny could be so amazingly narcissistic as to think that anyone would want to engage in his completely self possessed rantings.....but here they are. Everything you wanted to know about Bad Bunny but were too afraid, or couldn't be bothered to ask:

1. Bad Bunny denies any relation, genetically or otherwise to that rather insulting excuse for a buck, Peter. It has come to his knowledge that rumours are being spread claiming that Peter Rabbit and himself are brothers! Bad Bunny would like to say that anyone with any class or pedigree can indeed see the idea is preposterous.
2. Bad Bunny’s Meadow Friends are not toys as Au Pair Jennine would have him believe, but are indeed very real. Why, not only have said Bunny and the Friends cohabited the Nursery together, but they are soon to star in their very own reality animation. Then won’t Au Pair Jennine have egg on her face…oh that’s right, she already has, at breakfast this morning, when I “accidentally” shot the contents of my egg cup across the table with my slingshot.
3. Trolleyboys are overrated. Anyone can operate those tractor thingys with a little practice...or even just by intuition alone.
   Disclaimer: Bad Bunny denies any dents or scratches on vehicles parked in the Village Grocer’s car park are the result of Bad Bunny’s practicings on said tractor thingy.
4. Bad Bunny has studied architecture and is an honorary member of the AIA and winner of the Pritzker Architecture Prize (although he is yet to receive his award) for a work entitled Royal Tarzan. This piece of mastery involved very delicate layering and construction of an entire set of Nanny’s Royal Albert dinnerware, consolidated and cohesed with a multitude of Tarzan Grip tubes of adhesive. Nanny is yet to discover the masterpiece, though she has often been heard to ask in bewilderment as to the whereabouts of her prized dinnerware set.
5. Bad Bunny is a fashion artiste to challenge the talent of the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier (who Bad Bunny refers to as “that French git”). The git’s muse Madonna was nothing on Bad Bunny’s muse, Giraffe. After all, who could possibly surpass such a sight as said Giraffe donning a rather spectacular polyester jumpsuit created entirely with a glue gun and sequins featuring the warning: jumpsuit must never come within 1km of an open flame.
6. Although for all appearances Bad Bunny is an orphan, his lineage, in his own words, leans more to the ilk of true blue blooded aristocracy. Although one is led to believe that the Windsors had a tendency to bestow their love of animals on corgis and horses, there is in fact an entire floor of Buck House devoted to furry friends of the lapin varietal (who are, after all referred to as “bucks”). In fact, the Queen’s friend of choice is not in fact Philip, but a small bunny named Esmerelda (Esme to HRH) believed to be the mama of Bad Bunny.
7. David Attenborough has filmed a complete series devoted entirely to the world of Bad Bunny, entitled “I want to come back as Bad Bunny”.
8. Bad Bunny has been invited to compete on X-Factor. He declined due to unfair talent advantage, and the fact that he would inevitably win as Dannii Minogue has a very well known bunny crush on him.
9. Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon are actually alien robots programmed to look after Bad Bunny, by Bad Bunny himself.
10. Bad Bunny is an intellectual though oft misunderstood genius. After all, who else can invent the likes of the engineering masterpiece below.

 

"We feel we may be in need of legal assistance" - Part 6 in a series of "How we wooed Oprah"....well kind of.

Hang on in there, it is nearly all over. As we move towards the end of this literary quagmire we start to see the tables turn ever so slightly. Are the Au Pairs really asking for Camp Winfrey to fold and publicly acknowledge said Bunny? Surely they would not stoop to such depths as to seek endorsement of some kind from the Queen of TV herself? Has Nanny Pickle taught them nothing? It would appear that much has gone in one ear and out the other in this instance. O, hark, the sounds of desperation ensue.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

We feel, at this point, we may be needing the services of someone in the law fraternity. I believe you refer to them as “attorneys”. The familiar manner our endearing Bad Bunny is adopting with his correspondence with your good self is becoming rather worrisome. Please do understand he is in no way dangerous, or indeed stalker like. He is only two, and in his imaginative two year old mind, he does indeed have a true and meaningful friendship with you.

In no way can he understand that he is merely a bunny far from the ilk of your most celebrated self. Although we do try to teach him the value of modesty and humility, these words are not ones that fall easily from his tongue, nor sit easily on his shoulders. For in his fancy, he is of world renown – much loved, adored, adulated and worshiped.

Thus, his bold and impudent advances are merely as a result of his whimsy. If it should please you, we do believe we can put a halt to his postings if you did in some way acknowledge his past missives. If Bad Bunny were indeed able to boast to his Meadow Friends (who are not actually real) that he has had a direct correspondence from you, we may well be able to put to rest his incessant badgering of you. (Indeed, it would be of great solace to us all, as to not have to listen to his ramblings of all you have in common…).

Should you find it in your heart to calm the frayed nerves of two very strained Au Pairs, perhaps even a mention of him on your highly anticipated show when you are on our fair shores of Australia, or indeed a brief mention of him in your most celebrated of magazines – O Magazine. For Bad Bunny, the likes of such accession would without doubt, be as exciting as meeting Santa.

 

Yours in much modesty,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(More product sent....yadda, yadda, yadda. Met with the same enthusiasm as all previous gifts bestowed unto the Harpo Studios....stone cold silence she blows!)

 

High Tea with Oprah - Bad Bunny's pie in the sky hopes. Part 5 in a series

Oh, the to and fro. Oh, the literary tete a tete that ensues as Bad Bunny attempts to lure Camp Winfrey into his tree house for cake a a chat about his favourite subject. Is there a slight sense of desperation in his tone? Is Dr Phil more famous than Oprah? Should Bad Bunny be given more structure in his day to stop his mind and prolific typing paw getting The Nursery into so much trouble?

Dear Oprah,

(I feel like I know you well enough to be on a first term basis. Please feel free to call me Bad Bunny….Master sounds so formal)

I really am indeed so glad that we are friends. I mean whom else could I speak to about the trials and tribulations of fame? We have so much in common. Do we not?

Although Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine mean well I feel that they fail to understand exactly the amount of pressure we, meaning you and I, are under being in the public eye.

Only the other day Nanny Pickle told me I was getting too big for my boots. I explained that this was part and parcel of being famous and that Au Pair Shannon had already explained that reading all of my fan mail on Facebook was giving me a big head. So why not big feet? In my case, paws, but you get my meaning, right?

Anyway, I am presuming you have been too busy deciding what the wear to the High Tea Party to answer my questions on Facebook. I understand also if you want to keep our friendship private, as people do get jealous. Don’t worry too much about your attire for the event as being famous means that we look fabulous all the time.

Nanny Pickle told me I was a sight for sore eyes the other morning when I was wanting to find the hammer from my tool kit. I must have looked very good and it was only 4:30 in the morning! At least Nanny’s response was a bit easier to understand than Au Pair Shannon, who muttered something about rabbits feet and lucky charms.

Anyway I digress, dress as you wish and bring a friend….perhaps Gayle would like to join us for High Tea in my Tree House. I would have had High Tea on the roof but my Tree House is as far as I am allowed off the ground even though Au Pair Jennine told me I had my head in the clouds over breakfast yesterday. Sometimes I think The Nursery Staff need to watch more of your show.

Yours in all things truly famous and fabulous,

Bad Bunny

P.S: I have enclosed a wee bit of merchandise from my fan club. I thought you could show Dr Phil…I like him too. Is he more famous than you? Just wondering.

(At this stage of events Camp Winfrey sent via their counsel an invoice for the storage required for "gifting".)