Behind The Nursery Door

BEHIND THE NURSERY DOOR : The adventures of two rather tired Au Pairs and one rather errant but lovable Bad Bunny

Monday, February 18, 2013

The Fashion Police exposed, or, underexposed. An unfortunate incident indeed.


As an embarrassing result of the Au Pairs recent foray into the retail world, we regret to inform those of you who have an endearing love for our Bunny of the mischievous kind that said Bunny has had a run in with the boys in blue. 

Yes, I deceive you not. Our wee charge has fallen onto the wrong side of the law. (Well, it was only a matter of time and we believe the magistrate will exercise leniency). 

You see, as is our wont, Au Pair Jennine (Au Pair Hired Out of Desperation) and myself (Au Pair Shannon aka Au Pair First Hired) were, unfortunately,  rather vocal in the presence of a Bunny with rather large ears and a matching tummy on the subject of the faux pas of the fashion kind that are paraded before our very eyes when plying our trade in our little pop up stores.

(All in all, we sometimes get a tad concerned as to what indeed is deemed fashionable or even wearable in shopping centres. Underwear is called underwear for a reason people!)

As a result of our lack of subtlety, Bad Bunny felt the need to get legal advice from the top, from the thin blue line in fact, or if you are prone to watching Pay TV, he rang the cops. Oh yes, Bad Bunny got his little paws on Au Pair Jennine’s (Au Pair Hired Out of Desperation) iPhone when she left it lying temptingly on Nanny’s sideboard, and with said paws deftly poised, he did dial that number that contains naught but three zeros.

And so, the conversation unfolded (according to Police transcript):

Boys in Blue: “Emergency. How can we assist?”

Bad Bunny: “Good afternoon occifer (sic). Why no hello? Are you having a bad day? Nanny always told me to greet people with a friendly hello.”

Boys in Blue: “Do you have an emergency?”

Bad Bunny: “Well, I do indeed. May I please speak to an occifer (sic) from your Fashion Police Department?”

Boys in Blue: “What? We don’t have a Fashion Police Department. Young man, is this some sort of prank. You do realise we can charge you for wasting police time.”

Bad Bunny: “Occifer (sic), this is far from a prank. A very serious offence has been committed. Or so the Au Pairs say. You see I overheard them saying that there are people murdering style and it was about time the Fashion Police did something about it.”

Boys in Blue: “Please get off the line, boy! This number is for emergencies only.”

Bad Bunny: “Really? But clearly there is a need for Fashion Police. Maybe the Au Pairs and me could become fashion detectives. According to them they are all terribly stylish. And the Au Pairs are very good at telling people behind their backs that they really shouldn’t wear lycra. And I myself look terribly fetching in a uniform and I do so love to wield a baton.

Boys in Blue: “Is there an adult in the room with you? Put them on!”

Bad Bunny: “Well there is a giraffe. Will he do? He is terribly shy though.”

Boys in Blue: “I must insist you hang up the phone now!”

Bad Bunny: “Oh dear, you are having a bad day. You seem so terribly grumpy. Before I go, could I just ask you about capsicum spray? Is it some strange form of salad dressing? I hear it talked about on the news but it never seems to be mentioned in the same sentence as salad. And indeed if you are using capsicum as a way of thwarting villains, surely throwing a capsicum whole, rather than making a salad dressing of it would be far more helpful. And indeed, perhaps not a capsicum, but an overripe banana instead. Much more bang for your buck. Kind of a pie in the face effect with soft banana and then a banana skin on which to slip up said fiend. Two for one. It’s genius. Anyway, I digress…”

Boys in Blue: BEEP BEEP BEEP

Needless to say, Bad Bunny’s dialling rights have been revoked until further notice. And we, Au Pairs First Hired and Hired Our of Desperation have had a dressing down (not a salad kind either) from Nanny Pickle for filling Bad Bunny’s head with nonsense.





Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Bad Bunny Refutes Nursery Style


(From the desk of Bad Bunny...I'm not really bad. Just misunderstood and often in the wrong place at the wrong time)
It has come to my attention that the Nursery of Nanny Pickle has unveiled a “Nursery Look of the Week”. This does not sit well with me, as you see surely tis only I, of all the Nursery folk, who has an innate sense of style. 
Ok, yes, Au Pair Shannon was once complimented upon as being “styrish” by our Korean friends, but really? At the time she was donning a particularly ragged pair of jeans that exposed through a rip in the posterior her bright orange undergarment.
And, you see, although Madame Coco Chanel was seen as the very doyenne of all things chic and stylish, I do believe this was a media hype up, for who in their right mind could believe that putting everything you wish to wear on, and then taking  one thing off would lead to one being the most stylish version of themselves. We all know there is nothing to make one quite the fashionista as an excess of excess. 
Yes, you may want to wear your truly bewitching pea coat with your lovely tunic frock, but of course it would not be complete without the addition of fairy wings and some spotty tights. And of course a pair of green wellies. (Even Jamie Oliver, Au Pair Shannon's secret boyfriend, wears them and he's got his own TV show.)
And no buck in his right mind would step out of the Nursery donning just a pair of braced pants and an argyle sweater. Surely a superhero mask and socks and sandals (with braced pants tucked in said socks) can only improve the outfit and take one’s style barometer through the roof.
So you see, with all due respect Au Pairs, and indeed Mme Chanel, I think you may be a little overestimating your abilities in the style department, and in doing so are fooling many an innocent member of the public who deem your advice worthy. Tis me they should adore and take sage advice from. Me. Bad Bunny. Style Guru. Fahionista Extraordinaire. Me. Bad Bunny. Me. 
(PS. I wouldn't go crticising my "get up" today Au Pair Jennine. I think your outfit could do with a little more thought! Those shoes do not match your bag at all.)